“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” Bernice Johnson Reagon
You don’t want to unknowingly cause a negative prediction that you’re dreading to come true. Due to the simple fact that you are expecting and anticipating that it will manifest. In other words, your setbacks become self-fulfilling prophecies. It’s common knowledge that setbacks are a part of life experiences. You can overcome obstacles and hindrances, even if you’ve tried and failed in the past. Your recovery from stumbling blocks and impediments will depend on your view of them and the actions you choose in response. Let’s briefly consider 5 things you can do to overcome setbacks.
PROTECT AND MANAGE YOUR MINDSET
No matter what hardships you experience, don’t imagine the worst possible outcome, rather view this as an opportunity to use your creativity to discover a solution. There will always be some things that are out of your control, so in those instances, choose to see them as a delay in achieving a specific goal and not as a failure. As you’ve heard before, a temporary delay will become a permanent failure, only if you decide not to try again. Therefore, in these instances, it’s extremely important to protect your mindset. You must manage your internal negative dialogue, by first acknowledging that you are experiencing thoughts that can be destructive if left unchecked. Next, you can treat this as a time to refresh instead of retreating into a world of dismay and disillusion.
Only you can determine how you will perceive challenges in your life. And, only you can truly determine what you will do about them. Protecting your mindset doesn’t mean you deny your feelings or just recognize that you missed the mark, it means, you have the ability to choose your response.
You may be wondering, what can I do to have the best comeback from a setback? Because of our experiences, our mind is filled with assumptions and mental recordings of not only successes but past failures. Since this is the case, it’s imperative that you are proactive in mindfulness exercises. You have to practice being fully present and have a sense of awareness throughout your day. Doing so, will position you to become more selective in your responses and lessens a vicious cycle of you being overwhelmed or over-reacting. Develop techniques and personal tools that allow you to be preemptive when facing adversity. There is no such thing as a life devoid of obstacles, so having a positive mindset by employing mindfulness practices provides advantages to confront them.
What we are talking about is developing mental toughness. Again, mental toughness is not denial. It is a plan so you will have a predictable response to the unknown and react to negative situations in a manner that contributes to moving you forward versus stagnation or having you regretfully mourning the past.
There continue to be many studies conducted on the brain. It has been discovered that we often react to situations instinctively, which means our reactions to these circumstances are done unconsciously. While this happens on a regular basis for most of us, there are a couple of things we can do to mitigate the negative impact it can cause.
Acknowledge that fears are the source of much that guides us. Do you have a fear of failure, a fear of losing something or someone? Fear can produce discomfort so attending to your mindset will ensure you’re not sabotaging your efforts. For example, think of ways you can become comfortable with discomfort. Take a few moments and list things you can do to be prepared.
Secondly, what are ways you can view current negative situations or challenging circumstances from a more objective light? This is the time to focus your mental energy to improve your mental attitude. By doing so, you’re protecting your mindset.
Make it a practice to observe your thoughts, examine your thoughts and take a few moments to experience whatever emotions they produce. Remembering that you are in control of your response. This is where your mindfulness practices come into play and where they can be useful because irrational beliefs and inaccurate assessments can be addressed. It’s time to take a close look at false beliefs and narratives that foster nagging doubts. Thoughts such as, you’re not equipped, or you don’t measure up, should be challenged. The only way to change your behavior is to confront your thoughts so you can move forward.
While sometimes it’s difficult to open yourself to a new way of thinking and to let go of the familiar thought patterns, for you to break free, you must be willing to take a different path. Many times, we are willing to remain in a bad situation because it’s easy or familiar. Embracing a changed positive mindset will allow you to view setbacks as just that, rather than failures. An innovative idea that did not meet with the success you desired, becomes a learning opportunity. This is more than semantics, it’s actually a new way of thinking. You are making a daily decision to choose how you will receive information and what value you will assign to your experiences. There is no magic pill you can take to manage your mindset. Choosing to invest in mindfulness to improve your life, is a willful decision that requires your dedication and commitment.
“If you so choose, even the unexpected setbacks can bring new and positive possibilities. If you so choose, you can find value and fulfillment in every circumstance” Ralph Marston
BUILD RESILIENCE
When you are faced with a daunting undertaking, resilience is a staple you want to have in your toolkit. Your resilience will grow and become a real game-changer when you embrace it as a part of your success strategy. Life will throw you a curveball from time to time, so what will be your plan?
Resilience helps you to answer key questions that each of us must face from time to time. What do you do when confronted with disappointment, when unexpected negative situations occur, or you don’t reach your goal? Resilience equips you with the ability to appropriately addresses problems. You start to repurpose rather than avoid. Ultimately, it’s up to you to determine if you will succumb to your thoughts or if you will remain steadfast. Resilience prepares you to overcome adversity by tackling them directly, otherwise, your first default may be to try and ignore the problem or deny that it even exists.
You will need to be resilient when you encounter pain point circumstances and occasions. It is imperative that you commit to staying the course. This is also why it’s important to have a personal plan or personal improvement strategy because they provide you with tools and tactics to regroup and will guide your approach of how to start again. So, after you access the situation, and forgive yourself and others if mistakes were made, it’s time to move forward.
Next, be aware of returning to bad habits as a soothing mechanism. In the past, have you smoked to calm yourself? Do you over-eat or over-indulge in comfort food? Or maybe you escape by binge-watching your favorite television shows. Your built-in resilience plan must include coping tools to help move you to a healthier place, otherwise, stress will derail your efforts to becoming steadfast in accomplishing your goal.
Feeling bad is not bad, however, allowing your emotions to disrupt you to the point of disillusionment is what you must avoid. Therefore, take steps to embrace resilience. Your resilience strategy should include 1) being flexible, 2) being proactive, and 3) being social.
Be Flexible. This means that you accept change as part of your life experience. You probably agree that none of us is an expert in everything, so we all have areas that can be improved. Therefore, being adaptable should be a part of your plan. Also, we all have blind spots which mean there are areas that we’re unaware of, even if others can see them, for some reason they are not obvious to us. These areas need to be identified so they can be acknowledged and addressed, especially if they’re hindering our progress. This is not the time to let your pride or doubts cause you to be obstinate. Keeping an open mind and remaining malleable is pivotal to your success.
Be Proactive. Get in the habit of taking small steps that will prepare you for challenges. Seek ways to improve your problem-solving skills, expand your mental astuteness, and cultivate your emotional intelligence. Make a list of the things that tend to appear and reappear in your daily routines. Now, decide the path you will take by making a plan so you are in control of your responses. You should never place yourself in a posture of being stubborn or unyielding because it will lead to loss of energy and stagnation. Nothing should stop you from continually incorporating self-improvement skills on a regular basis. By doing so, you position yourself to become proactive instead of reactive. Managing your mental and emotional care is paramount. Giving attention to both will strengthen your resolve. Developing an effective strategy with logical options and a means to execute them, lends towards a proactive attitude and gives you the ability to be preemptive.
Be Social. It’s key that you identify a network that aligns with your values and interest. Joining the right groups can help you further your personal capacity and professional skills. Being a part of networks not only benefits you but also offers an opportunity for you to be supportive of others. If utilized appropriately, you will engage in win-win occasions and experiences. Another benefit to being social is it can help increase motivation, which if managed correctly can spur ideation that leads to innovation. If you want to reduce the probability of feeling isolated and disconnected, connecting with others by joining groups and networks are great avenues. Choosing to be social in this manner can go a long way because it promotes initiating one-on-one relationships and creates spaces for you to enhance personal skills and professional aptitude.
“In spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser and happier as a result.” Joseph B. Wirthlin
ADDRESS WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL
Since we’ve acknowledged that there are some things that are beyond your control, as stated previously, you must focus on our response. You need to identify then develop a definitive plan of action to address what you can control. This is your time to concentrate on how and what you will do. Outline a plan to manage tasks in an organized and strategic manner. If your plan does not have built-in manageability, you will not be successful. Additionally, your action plan should include rewards for personal accomplishments. As long as the rewards are meaningful, it doesn’t manner the size. These rewards are there to motivate you and to encourage you to forge on in the midst of adversity. Since you have control, you should take control of which actions you will implement as well as when to implement them. The same goes with your rewards, you are in control of how they will be administered. Review your plan regularly to ensure you’re actually focusing on only those things that are within your power to address. If you find yourself drifting off course, quickly recalibrate so your attention and efforts are clearly directed to areas you can change or influence. It is key that you exert discipline by placing your attention only on things you can truly control, otherwise you’ll be in a constant state of frustration.
“You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself . The storm will pass.” Timber Hawkeye
ACKNOWLEDGE ACCOUNTABILITY AND ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY
You probably know, it is wise to make a practice of learning from your setbacks, if not, failures, disappointments, and mistakes will become a reality. What’s equally important is adopting a habit of accepting responsibility for missteps. Acknowledge your part if you contributed to your setback. Of course, courage is needed to do so. Also recognize accepting responsibility is not a ticket to “beat yourself up”. It’s not the blame game. Accountability does not mean self-abuse, rather it’s a willingness to acknowledge any shortcomings or misjudgments so they can be addressed and so you can move forward.
Use these times to analyze what corrective actions you need to take to ensure failures don’t become “rinse and repeat” scenarios. Set aside time to evaluate your assessments. Reexamine your processes and actions to prevent the same problems from occurring repeatedly. Focus your momentum to have synergy with your mind, body, and spirit. Spend time identifying, then acquiring the necessary skills you need to face and overcome obstacles. Next, put into practice what you have learned. Since being responsible and accepting accountability impacts the entirety of you are or who you are becoming and shows up in your physical, mental, and spiritual environment, it’s vital to address each with a deliberate plan to increase your comeback quotient.
Include moments of solitude to examine and pinpoint the reason for the failure or the disappointment you are experiencing. Look for solutions not fault, see explanations and avoid excuses. Now focus your attention on how you plan to respond to similar situations if they arise in the future. Spend quality time devoted to “true” lessons learned. The two-sided coin of responsibility and accountability will be demonstrated when you learn to effectively map your next steps as a result of what you’ve gained from this process. Challenge yourself to find new opportunities in setbacks. Prepare yourself to acknowledge unfortunate circumstances and experiences as temporary barriers.
The willingness to be responsible and accept accountability requires concentrated effort. It will not just happen because it’s not a passive process, which means it will require an expenditure of energy on your part. But this is always the case, because that’s what being responsible is all about – your willingness to show up and step up. It is your way of acknowledging that you realize responsibility is not a burden and you’re choosing to embrace accountability as a “way of life”.
Your posture changes with an emphasis on education and learning. Every setback is a steppingstone on your success path, as you tackle one challenge after another. There is a dedication to increasing your skills, your capacity, and expanding your knowledge base. Your plan includes tools, techniques, and support so you are working smarter and not harder. You deliberately work to increase your probability of success by engaging others to help you achieve your goals. Lastly, you expand your accountability circle to include those who will challenge you to recognize distractions for what they are, misguided focus, and momentary interruptions. You take the challenge, acknowledge accountability, accept responsibility and forge ahead.
